CRIPtic Pit Party at The Barbican

From the Barbican website: “ Jamie Hale performs NOT DYING in which they recount their full-circle story of progressive disability, from the agony and gracelessness of threatening death to the jubilance and defiance of survival. To follow, D/deaf and disabled artists expand on the selected themes of anger, fortitude and joy in short sets of music, dance and spoken word. Together their Pit Party recreates deeply personal experiences rarely represented on stage in a spirited, celebratory atmosphere.

Developed through our OpenLab programme, NOT DYING came into being as Hale began experimental medical treatment. Determined to confront and dismantle barriers so often encountered by disabled people, their solo intertwines video and narrative to thought-provoking effect. The vibrant second-half showcase curated by Hale completes CRIPtic.” 

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Juxtapose

More from my portfolio of photographs, All my Bad Work, where I share things I usually don’t want people to see, mostly because of shame. As much as I want to ignore it a lot of my conditioning around social acceptance comes from looking a certain way. I have recently had a dramatic flare in my chronic ill-health symptoms leaving me fatigued and in pain. I have been talking photographs of my environment and of myself. I decided to juxtapose these images with snap shots of me as a child, as a young woman, and earlier in my Lyme Disease journey where I look healthy, happy and vibrant.

This has been a pretty painful experience and I still wonder if it’s a good idea to explore my illness trauma this way. I’m very much in two minds about it. My other concerns are that these juxtapositions are too on the nose, that there is little room for interpretation and that they are just too damned miserable.

Anyway for all of this I still feel the pull to carry on with the creative adventure I find myself on.

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Analogue/Digital

I had no idea that I would be so inspired by today’s magnificent Cyanotype workshop at London’s Free Space Project taught by Daniel Regan. Feeling wobbly after only 3 hours sleep I dragged myself to Kentish Town expecting to last about an hour before I would have to leave. Instead I stayed to the very end, learnt a new process, met some talented artists, and caught some of the last summer rays too.

Below are a couple of the cyanotypes I made today and a few images processed on photoshop after I had scanned the images in. I really enjoy combining analogue and digital techniques.

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The Reveal

More from my All my Bad Work portfolio where I share photographs that I wouldn’t usually want people to see . The self portraits here are a million miles away from the beautiful selfies you can find with a swipe or mouse click. I live with a fair amount of fatigue and pain and I took these today when feeling exhausted. I feel so old. I look and feel totally worn out and seeing that made me cry.

Does it really matter that I look far from gorgeous ?

When I was editing I took a deep breath and tried to see the story in the pictures. For a moment it was no longer me in the images, all that mattered was the connection between the subject and the audience.

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