An image which sums up what I am trying to achieve with my most recent project, All my Bad Work. I have been in a pretty bad way due to physical and emotional exhaustion ( I have to admit resisting the rest I need due to both stubbornness and the thorny issue of self-worth) and as a result collapsed in to a depression which has had me crying profusely.
Here’s a technically inept shot of my mother and I - it’s out of focus, the highlights out of the window are blown, the composition is out of whack and perhaps the most shaming, the gap in my front teeth is showing ! I felt uneasy about posting this because it meant that I, a 56 year old woman, went to my mother crying like a wounded child in need of a comforting hug. The shame I feel at not being able to magically pull myself together is extensive.
I decided to get my camera to document the moment. I was in hurry to catch the authenticity so instead of setting up a tripod placed the camera on a chair on top of a pile of unfolded clothes. The resulting image captures mum and I laughing as we realised that I faced the lens in entirely the wrong direction. The air was cleared and I wiped away my tears, smiling.
There is the the gap between the stories I tell myself and what is actually happening. Humour is an opportunity, reminding me that the ridiculous is always close by.
